Freedom from Alcohol – A Radical Act of Self Love? Update

Living In Abundance

Nine Months Alcohol Free – Lessons So Far

Nine Months and Still Counting – Alcohol-Free

I thought I’d write you all a bit of an update on my alcohol-free year. I’m beginning to think of it as a radical act of self-love.

We all talk about ‘self-love’ and compassion for ourselves, but what does that look like? For me, it looked very much like a glass of wine in the bath. An act of self-love? I think not. More an act of numbing out the fact that I’d had a day from hell in a job I loathed, and I couldn’t cope with my kid’s demands when I got in, and I needed something to numb the feelings.

So woven is alcohol into the fabric of our lives that when you don’t drink, folks ask or assume you’re either ill or pregnant (ok, I’m getting a bit old for the latter). Can you think of any other drug where this is the case?

I’m over nine months into my journey, and I can now honestly say that I have no cravings or desire ever to consume alcohol again.

Some of you reading this will think I’ve got super strong discipline, or I’m a freak, but I’m not. I’m exactly like you are.

The fact remains that there is no safe amount of alcohol to consume. If you’re suffering from menopause symptoms, then it’s the number one place to look – as it will be the underlying cause of many of them, including hot flushes, sleep problems and weight gain (particularly around the belly).

Many women talk about these problems and how they want to get rid of their belly fat, but not many are willing to give up their daily glass of wine.

I’ve been doing lots of digging around the psychology of drinking in mid-life women, and it’s fascinating.

By the time we’ve hit mid-life, most women have been using alcohol to numb their feelings. Feelings around stress, being super busy, not having time to ourselves, taking care of everyone else, working full time, being a mother – a lot is going on in the life of a modern-day woman.

Alcohol starts as our friend – it’s a way to relax, to calm down the nervous system at the end of a day.

However, when you hit mid-life and your hormones rollercoaster towards menopause, adding alcohol into the mixture becomes a recipe for disaster. Make no mistakes here; alcohol will come back to bite you.

The reasons you’re drinking alcohol are usually –
-to numb your feelings
-to deal with stress

How do we start to stop?

I’ve learned that it has to come from deep within. You need to give yourself space and deal with your stress. Whether that means relationships, jobs, or people around you – I’m not saying this is easy, but it’s necessary.

Your language around drinking needs to change, and it is poison. Just poison that’s been incredibly well integrated into our society (is it to the benefit of society that us women are dulled down? – I need to ponder that one. It’s something that patriarchal society has always done.)

Retraining your brain to withstand problems and become resilient so that you don’t have to dull down your emotions or capacity to think.

Begin to organise your life so you’re not doing everything.

Look at your emotional needs; which ones are not being met?

I’m not saying this work is easy; it’s deep. You have to rip down versions of yourself that no longer serve you. You’ll find that others might not like the new version of you, and that’s fine. You have to have concrete boundaries. Learn your sacred NO.

Oh, and final word on the belly fat – mine has melted away….strange that, eh?

What are you willing to sacrifice?

I listened to a fantastic podcast by Andrew Huberman – I strongly suggest you listen to it too.

I know that I’m talking uncomfortable truths, you have to decide where you are on your health journey and what you’re willing to sacrifice for it.

There’s only you who can make these changes – the power is within you.

Seven Months Alcohol Free – Here’s My Findings

I never had a problem with alcohol, or so I thought. I was always ‘at one’ with the fact that I enjoyed a drink or two – ‘it’s just one glass, I used to say as I poured half a bottle of wine into a giant glass. All of my friends drink, and my family drink. It wasn’t as if there was anything unnatural or weird around drinking alcohol – quite the opposite.

It wasn’t until I noticed that whenever I had a glass of red wine, I’d get to sleep fine, but then I’d wake up at 3 am, tossing and turning until it was time to get up. Then I’d feel like a wreck, start the day with a big hit of caffeine and sugar, and ride that rollercoaster all day until it was time for another glass of wine.

I’d kid myself that I was under stress, that I’d ‘earned’ a drink, that a glass of wine would help me relax – the reality is it does none of those things. 

The Facts Around Alcohol

If you look at the stages of problematic drinking, they are;

Stage 1 – Occasional abuse and binge drinking.

Stage 2 – Increased drinking

Stage 3 – Problem Drinking – where it’s impacting your life through lack of sleep, feeling sick, or unable to function properly the next day.

Stage 4 – Alcohol Dependance – you’re unable to function without alcohol. You have an attachment to alcohol that takes over your regular routines.

In England, an estimated 602,391 dependent drinkers (2018-19), 82% are not accessing treatment. Alcohol misuse is the most significant risk factor for death, ill-health and disability among 15-49 year-olds in the UK and the fifth-biggest risk factor across all ages.

Alcohol misuse across the UK is a significant public health problem with major health, social and economic consequences, estimated at between £21 and £52 billion a year. Each year there are over 1 million admissions to hospitals for alcohol-related conditions.

The facts are sobering indeed!

What the Chief Medical Officer recently said ‘there is NO safe limit; no level of alcohol improves health. Alcohol has many health impacts, including cardiovascular disease and cancers (breast, bowel, throat and mouth).

You hear a lot about certain alcoholic drinks are good for health – the reality is there is NO safe limit on alcohol – it’s a poison to your body, don’t try to convince yourself or others otherwise.

Why Did I Decide Now is The Time?

In December, I’d had a bout of Covid, a very mild episode admittedly, but it stopped me drinking. As a holistic health coach, I know all about the effects of alcohol on the immune system – so I wanted my immunity to be firing on all cylinders. 

My cousin got a nasty bout of Covid, and she said she would do dry January to help her recover. I thought, ‘oooh, that’s a good idea’, and just stopped drinking. The irony is that my dad bought us a costly case of wine for Christmas – it’s still sitting on the wine rack!

So, I did dry January, and then I’ve just continued. I like a challenge. Over that time, there have been challenges; we’ve had friends staying, been on a girly weekend and birthday parties – so it’s not like I’ve not been out socialising.

I’ve stuck with it and feel no need to return.

My Findings – So Far!

I’d love to say that I’ve lost a load of weight and feel amazing – but honestly, I’ve done or felt neither of those things. Maybe I didn’t drink enough in the first place? But, I have slept much better and have much more energy, plus I know it’s the right thing to do, particularly around practising what I preach and being an embodied practitioner.

As I head into my 50th year, I’ve got absolute clarity (through practising Breathwork, more on that later) on what I want to take forward in my life and what is no longer serving me.

Without sounding too hippy, alcohol in any amount lowers your vibration, and that’s not what I’m taking with me. I want as much high vibration energy to power me through this menopause business. Us women need as much energy as possible; why hand it over to the contents in a bottle?

When out with friends, which has happened a few times, I’ve thought someone had switched my drink, because you still get that euphoric feeling. We associate that with alcohol, but it’s not. It’s from being in the energy of others and having a laugh and a good time – but you can still drive home at the end of the night!

My Top Tips For Quitting

My biggest tip is try to understand the reasons for you drinking, are you being influenced, is it just a habit, are you filling yourself with alcohol because there’s a hole in your life elsewhere? My new phrase is – ‘when you’re happy, you don’t crave crappy’. It’s true, when you’re living a life you love you don’t want anything bringing that energy down.

Here’s some more tips;

  1. Often it’s just a habit – so get your nice glass out and fill it with something non-alcoholic.
  2. There are loads of non-alcoholic options available nowadays. We’ve found some lovely beers that are gluten-free too. Even my husband has cut back massively on his alcohol intake.
  3. Take your car when you go out. That stops all temptation and discussions.
  4. Just stop thinking that you’re the person who loves to drink. Become someone who has boundaries and sticks to them – it’s more powerful and inspirational than you think.

Using Breathwork to Quit and Empower

This quote has constantly rattled around in my head for the past three months.

‘Those who look outside dream, those who look inside awaken’ Carl Jung

I have felt this energy since I started to become serious about Breathwork practice. Connecting to my inner wise self, source, the universe, God or a Goddess, whatever word you use to define the collective conscious wisdom. It has led me to not only clean up my act but understand that by me doing this, I can help others do this. By me permitting myself, I give you permission or inspiration. I’m not anything special; the same will happen if you do it too.

But notice how powerful it is to stand in your power and say, ‘no, I don’t drink alcohol’. 

I’ve got total clarity around what alcohol does to my body, and of course, being fully immersed in the ‘peri menopause’, do I need to be adding that extra stress to my body via alcohol?  If we were all to give alcohol freedom a try, I believe we would lose many menopausal symptoms. Especially those around sleep – night sweats, waking up early, inability to get to sleep, generally feeling crap due to lack of sleep.

Ask yourself, ‘Is poisoning my body the best thing I can do for myself?’ ‘Is alcohol helping my self-care?’, ‘Is drinking alcohol serving me?’ Is drinking alcohol preventing me from being my best self?’

 I think you’ll find that many of the answers are no. I’m not saying that you must cut it out completely, but what if it hinders you? What if you are dependent on it? 

I’ve learned that the things we think are freedom are the chains that bind us from being our best selves.

If you want to listen further to how I’ve done it and all other alcohol-related things, Dan and I did a podcast, and you can listen here.

I’m interested to hear if you’ve quit and your reasons around it.

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