The Great Tech Meltdown of 2024
Well, it’s official. I’m going into hiding. I’m packing up my Pilates mat, loading up on my homemade mugwort tea, and heading to the deepest, most Wi-Fi-free cave I can find.
Why, you ask?
Because Mercury is in Retrograde, and if one more electrical item in my house decides to spontaneously combust, I’m going to lose it!
Let me give you a quick rundown of the chaos thus far!
• Week 1: I accidentally dropped my laptop. One minute, I’m typing up a glorious newsletter (this very one, mind you), and the next minute—door goes, dog barks and I jump up with laptop crashing to the floor! The screen goes black, and I’m left staring at my reflection, contemplating the cruel reality of technology. It’s like the universe said, “You’ve had enough productivity for one day. Let’s practice mindfulness instead.”
• Week 2: The washing machine almost explodes. For the first time in 18 years, my son brings his washing basket down of his own accord, asks how to switch it on, and low and behold it starts making a right old racket and smoke appears out of the back of it. Endgame for washing machine – it just couldn’t handle it.
• Week 3: Our kitchen floods! Literally it was pouring with rain into our kitchen from a burst pipe in the ceiling – I know the moon is in Aquarius but I did not require the reminder with water pouring on my head from above. So now I’m left with a hole in my ceiling, a soggy floor and post traumatic stress whenever I hear a dripping tap or any water drips of any sort!
• Week 4: The grand finale—my beloved Dyson decided to give up on me. When you’ve got two beautifully hairy labradors a good working vacuum is an essential requirement not only to stop the carpet looking like a black sheepskin rug, but for my own mental health. Oh and add that my trusty Bose speaker in the studio gave it’s final breath too – to add the final cherry to the great meltdown cake.
At this point, I’m convinced Mercury is not just in retrograde; it’s throwing a full-blown tantrum, and my electronics are the casualties. Seriously, what did I do to offend the cosmos? Was it that time I forgot to put my crystals out under the full moon? Or maybe I should have sprayed my oils into some corner that I missed? Whatever it was, I’m so over it now!
There’s nothing else to replace! I’ve got nothing else to give!
So, here’s the plan: I’m going off the grid. No phones, no laptops, no gadgets. Just me, a stack of books, and maybe a little interpretive dance to keep my spirits up. If you need me, send a carrier pigeon. Or better yet, let’s all take a collective deep breath, stretch it out, and ride out the rest of this retrograde together.
But seriously, if your gadgets are acting up too or you’re having any unfavourable encounters with water, you’re not alone. This cosmic craziness is real, and it’s out to get us. So, if your phone freezes or your computer crashes or you get an unfortunate dowsing, just remember – Mercury’s got beef with all of us, and sometimes, all you can do is laugh, pour yourself a nice cup of tea, and count down the days until the planets realign and sanity is restored.
And, it also gives you the opportunity to practice your ninja skills!
“It is important to expect nothing, to take every experience, including the negative ones, as merely steps on the path, and to proceed.” Ram Dass
Here’s my upcoming offerings – please come to things, I have a lot of expensive electrical kit to replace :D….
A 6-Week Beginners Pilates and Holistic Health Program
This 6 week course will equip you with everything you need to get yourself on track for building up your core strength, creating healthy habits and pulling yourself out of the spiral of decline into decripty (harsh but true, because that’s where we’re all heading if we don’t do something about it!).
After the 6-Weeks program you will also be able to confidently attend a regular class.
The course is currently on an Earlybird offer until 1st September, and spaces are filling up. I rarely teach these programs so if you want to begin practicing Pilates (and who wouldn’t?!) then I recommend you book up now.
Here’s the link;
https://organicpilates.co.uk/classes/beginners-pilates-holistic-health-6-week-program/
Only 5 spaces remaining!
Classes
All classes are on this week! So good to get back to Kettlebells last Saturday – although I’ve been feeling the effects all week. Book all classes here, remember you can join us via Zoom for all classes (except barre), just book as normal and let me know in advance that you’ll be joining online – so I remember to bring my laptop.
https://organicpilates.co.uk/book-a-class-2/
Breathwork
We had THE most amazing Breathwork session last week for Lionsgate. I’m still receiving messages about how good it was, and how folks are still feeling the after effects and downloads.
My next Breathwork session is in September to celebrate Mabon (the 2nd harvest).
You can book at the link below;
https://organicpilates.co.uk/classes/mabon-breathwork-session/
Currently on Earlybird until 1st September.
Samhain Celebration Day at Dilston Physic Garden
Me and Neil are joining forces for my favourite time of year (I was born in October – I take the whole month for celebration). We’ll be heading up to the magical physic garden to chill, make spell jars, breathe and be mystical creatures connected to the plant spirits. Witch hats can be worn with confidence and acceptance!
If that sounds wonderfully fabulous to you then join us here;
https://organicpilates.co.uk/classes/samhain-day-retreat-dilston-physic-garden/
Until then, stay fabulous, stay fit, and stay far, far away from anything with a power button!
See you on the mat!
Jill x
PS
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